Captain Birdseye

Administrator's picture

There have been 2 real Captain Birdseye's that I know of and the current one (Suggs), but who would make a good new one?
Let me have your suggestions for a replacement for Suggs!

Administrator's picture
Sir Richard Branson

OK here's one to start you off and get you thinking.

Administrator's picture
Sir Clive Sinclair

Of course, this one is obvious and requires no further comment.

Bergerac's picture
The new captain

I think Suggs is doing a great job personally but I "suggs-gest" he wears a bushy false white beard for future appearances. The only problem is you might not be able to see his teeth chattering through it. But I'd love to see him replaced by Sir Noel Edmonds.

Wyle E. Coyote's picture
New Captain

Brian Blessed must be a contender, surely?

Wyle E. Coyote's picture
...and what about Posh?

Bergerac's picture

Brian would be perfect, having seen him as Captain Hook in pantomime a few years ago - he's certainly got the sea-faring banter off to a tee...

Granpaw's picture
I'll dae it ma self

Ach, these fowk are scunners tae a man!  I'll dae it ma self, I need a wee job.  Mind ye, I cannae work boolin' nicht.

Administrator's picture
You're perfect for the job

I reckon you are the best contender yet Grandpaw.

Administrator's picture

OK, here are the finalists:


Vote now to choose the winner and make your views count !

Administrator's picture
We have a winner

Following an extensive search and public vote, I'm pleased to announce who will officially be the new Captain Birdseye.  Competition was fierce, but there was an outright winner and it was the lovely Posh Spice.  I've spoken to her and she is delighted, saying 'Who is this, you are nuts.', she's so droll.  Anyway she is flying in as we speak for a photo shoot, so watch this space.

Galen's picture


Wyle E. Coyote's picture
Looks like we've started something...

AnnaKimMariahIt appears that news has quickly got around about Posh's 'success' and some of her adversaries are none too pleased and appear to be making a play to usurp her lucrative contract, among them Anna Kournikova, Kim Kardashian and Mariah Carey...

Galen's picture

I love a bearded lady. Speaking of which, a question or two for our dear Administrator...I hear rumours that our beloved Posh is in the studio for her Capn Birdseye makeover today...can you please confirm? Will there be photographic evidence soon? Will Matthew Kelly be on hand to oversee the transformation? Can you remember the nature of my prospective complaint? Respectfully, Galen.

Administrator's picture
Confirmation and complaint

Galen I can confirm that Posh, even as I type this, is indeed in my media man's studio being 'Birdseye-ed' up.  Matthew Kelly is also in attendance because he is the only person who can validate the transformation.  Photographic evidence will be provided in the next few hours.

As for your complaint; I think you were going to complain about the lack of bearded ladies on this site, which has now been resolved by Wyle's post above.  The original complaint can be found here.

The kindest regards, A.

Administrator's picture
Captain PoshEye

Captain PoshEyeWell as promised, here is the latest photograph fully approved by Matthew Kelly, of Captain PoshEye.  I'm sure you'll agree, she makes a great Captain Birdseye and is the worthy winner of our competition.


Galen's picture
A sight for sore eyes

Aaaah. A worthy winner indeed. I'm so inspired, I'm moved to song..."The beee-aaaarrr-ded laaaaaay-deeeeeeeeee is dancing with me, cheek to cheek..." etc

Sir Noel Edmonds's picture

Occchhhhh! You might want to lay off that cheap booze for a bit eh Galen?!